Total Drama's Most Wanted
by StarHeart Specials
Summary: Scarlett Badgirl, Total Drama's new manager, convinces the kids to embark on a world tour. Sam doubts that it's a good idea- -A feeling that's proven right when evil genius Max Mac escapes from prison, switches places with Sam using a strange device, and lands Dakota's sweetie in a Siberian prison. (Sequel to Total Drama) Based on Muppets Most Wanted.
1. We're Doing A Sequel

**StarHeart Specials**

* * *

 _ **Somewhere in Hollywood, just after their last story...**_

* * *

 _Sierra: (Whistles)_

 ** _THE END_**

* * *

"AND CUT!"

Sam, Dakota and Sierra walked off the set after the final number.

Dakota sighed, "I've gotta get off this thing," she climbed down the lift.

"Wow, that was so amazing!," Sierra smiled.

"Sierra, you did a great job," Sam told her.

"Thank you, Sam! Did-Did we get that?"

"We got it!," Dakota yelled up.

"Yeah, we got it," Sam told Sierra and they both climbed down.

 **"Alright, the story's over people. Go home. That is a wrap!,"** StarHeart announced as everyone began to leave.

"Ok, nice work, everyone. Make sure to fill out your I-9s, and we'll see you on the next one," Cody told the fading crowd.

Sam, Dakota, Sierra, Owen, Cody and Rodney grouped up after everyone left.

"So, uh, what do we do now?," Cody asked.

"Well, we're together again! We got the theatre and all our fans are back!," Owen pointed behind him, but everyone was gone. Even a tumbleweed rolled by.

"Actually, those were extras," Rodney told him.

"I saw a few tapping their toes."

"Yeah, those were paid dancers," Cody said.

"Oh."

"Or maybe, since we're all here, now could be the perfect time for you and me to tie the knot, Sam!," Dakota smiled at her boyfriend.

"Well, I-I mean, maybe I could..."

As Sam stumbled for words, Sierra suddenly noticed something odd.

"Hey, what's the camera still doing here?," she asked, pointing at the camera.

Gerry and Pete walked up to it.

"Oh no. Disaster! That can only mean one thing," Gerry realized.

"Doggone it, you're right!," Pete nodded.

"Mm-hm."

"It looks like the author decided to write a sequel!"

The both laughed and walked away.

* * *

Sam was now in a white tux with gold edges and a gold bow tie.

 _Sam: We're doing a sequel_

 _We're back by popular demand_

Sam put on a top hat and grabbed a cane.

 _Come on, everybody_ , _strike up the band!_

Owen joined in, wearing an outfit that matched Sam's.

 _Sam and Owen: We're doing a sequel_

 _That's what we do on FanFiction_

 _And everybody knows that the sequel's never quite as good_

 _A sequel_

 _Another feature attraction_

Cody joined in, wearing a matching outfit.

"Places please! Light the lights! Roll camera!," he held up a megaphone, "ACTION!"

 _Sam, Owen and Cody: I thought it was the end, but no, my friends_ , _this is when we get to do it all again!_

 _Workers: Do it all again!_

 _Sam, Owen and Cody: 'Till the final chapter rolls, we've got another go to show them we can do it all again!_

 _Chickens: Buck-buck-buck-buck-ka!_

 _Sam, Owen and Cody: We're doing a sequel_

 _There's no need to disguise_

A pink golf cart parked next to them and Dakota stepped off.

 _Dakota: The_ _authors here consider us a viable franchise_

She took off her sunglasses and coat, revealing an outfit similar to the boys' outfits, but her tux was sleeveless and she had gold gloves. She put on a top hat and grabbed a cane before joining the boys in the song.

 _Sam, Owen, Cody and Dakota: We're doing a sequel_

 _How hard can it be?_

Rodney joined in, wearing an outfit that matched the boys' outfits.

 _Rodney: We can't do any worse than The Godfather 3!_

 _Sam, Owen, Cody, Dakota and Rodney: We're doing a sequel_

 _The readers all want more_

Izzy joined in, wearing an outfit that matched Dakota's outfit.

 _Izzy: While they wait for Tom Hanks to make Toy Story 4!_

 _All: I thought it was the end, but no, my friends, this is when we get to do it all again!_

 _The Electric Mayhem: Do it all again!_

 _All: 'Till the final chapter rolls, we've got another go to show them we can do it all again!_

 _Penguins: Quack quack quack! Quack quack quack quack!_

* * *

 ** _Music Break_**

* * *

 _All: We're doing a sequel_

 _Sam: Let's give it a go_

 _Tony Bennet: With Hollywood stars_

 _Lady Gaga: And more one-liner cameos_

Dakota turned to the camera with wide eyes.

 _All: We're doing a sequel_

Mary, Ellody and 80s Robot were sitting at the control panel.

"I don't mean to be a stickler, but this is the seventh sequel to our original FanFiction," Mary pointed out.

 _All: We're doing a sequel_

 _Let's give it a shot_

Sam sat down in his director's chair.

 _Sam: All we need now is a half-decent plot_

* * *

Izzy smiled.

"Got it! An epic love story! Between a very beautiful orange-haired stuntwoman and a mysterious man. _Izzy on Air!_ "

* * *

"Uh, does anybody have any other ideas?"

* * *

Owen smiled.

"Oh! Oh! It's about getting the TD Kids back together again to stop an evil oil baron from demolishing the old studio!"

* * *

"Owen, did you even read our last story?"

* * *

"How about one of those 'fish out of water' stories?"

Tyler Zeb held up a fish.

* * *

"Yeah, I'm not so sure about that, Tyler."

* * *

"It's about a boy who marries a beautiful, perfect blonde actress. And they have to kiss each other, _a lot!_ "

Dakota smiled.

* * *

"Uh..."

* * *

"(Swedish) How about a novel about the existential conundrum of religious faith?," Swedish Sugar asked.

* * *

"I don't think FanFiction members like those kind of novels."

* * *

"How about a story where you don't write a story?," Pete asked.

"And we all get to go home early!," Gerry finished.

Both hecklers laughed.

* * *

Sam sighed, "Good grief."

* * *

Rodney played a somber tune on his piano.

"It's about lonely boy, and one night, he sees something he should never have seen. And he has to live with a terrible secret."

* * *

"Uh, that sounds a little dark, Rodney."

Sam rested his chin in his hand and started thinking very hard about what the plot should be about.

A woman with red hair in a bun, glasses, a yellow sweater, a green skirt and black flats walked up to him.

She leaned down and whispered into his ear.

"Sam, how about Total Drama goes on a world tour?"

Sam's eyes widened.

"That's perfect!"

* * *

 _Sam, Owen, Cody, Rodney and Izzy: I thought it was the end, but no, my friends, this is when we get to do it all again!_

 _'Till the final chapter rolls, we've got another go to show them we can do it all again!_

 _We're doing a sequel_

 _It's more of the same_

 _Sam: Let's give it a name!_

Sierra joined in, wearing an outfit that matched Izzy and Dakota's.

 _Sierra: How about Total Drama Again?_

 _All: It's Total Drama again_

 _With Total Drama Again_

 _Dakota: It's Total..._

 _Sam, Owen, Cody, Rodney, Izzy and Sierra: Drama..._

 _All: Again!_

 **Total Drama's Most Wanted**


	2. Max Mac: World's Most Dangerous Kid

**Gulag 38B**

 **Siberia, Russia**

 **02:42**

* * *

On the other side of the world, in a maximum-security Gulag in Russia, all was quiet in the night.

Not for long, though.

In one of the jail cells, a small beeping sound could be heard from inside. The beeping soon accelerated quicker and quicker until...

 **BOOM!**

Something behind the door exploded, causing it to fall over.

It's captive stepped out of the cell. He looked around to see if any guards had witnessed the explosion, but there were none in sight. He walked slowly down the long halls of the Gulag.

* * *

Elsewhere, a guard was just walking down the halls when suddenly, the convict punched him to the floor, knocking him unconscious.

* * *

Two more guards with rifles were walking down the halls until the convict knocked them both unconscious and took their rifles.

* * *

He then pressed the button to open all of the cell doors. An alarm blared throughout the area as the other prisoners ran out of their cells as fast as they could.

More guards showed up and spotted the convict behind all of this commotion.

 **Max Mac**

 **World's Most Dangerous Kid**

"Let's dance."

Max then proceeded to knock out every single guard that came his way with karate. When he finished, he quickly snuck out the door.

* * *

Alarms blared all throughout the Gulag as prisoners ran amok and guards tried to catch them. But only one prisoner had managed to flee the complex: Max Mac.

Max hid in a small pond outside of the Gulag. He stuck his head out of the water and grinned evilly as he took out a small pen with a red button on the tip.

"It's time to light the lights."

He pressed the button.

 **BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!**

Several explosions went off in the Gulag.

* * *

"Total Drama News Flash!"

Don Adora, the TD newsman, reported on the Total Drama News.

"Max Mac, the world's most dangerous kid, has escaped from a maximum security gulag in Siberia, Russia. This move has bumped Max up to the number one most wanted criminal in the world, one place ahead of the mysterious Red Panda."

* * *

The TD Kids sat at a booth in a diner with Scarlett, the woman who suggested that the Kids go on a world tour.

"Wow," Scarlett smiled, "Thanks for seeing me at my regular booth, Kids. Big fan, huge. Scarlett, international tour manager."

She showed them her card.

Owen read the card, "Scarlett Badgirl?"

"It's pronounced ba-jurr-el. It's French."

"Ahhhh," they all nodded.

"It means, 'good lady.' "

They nodded again.

Scarlett put on a serious face, "Listen up. You're hot. You're having a moment. But what is inevitable about a moment? It ends."

Owen tugged on Sam's arm, "I don't want this moment to end!"

"That's why we have to get out there now and capitalize on this moment with a capital C, right? I want you to conquer the world. Do an international tour. Show a global audience what you can do."

The Kids started talking excitedly amongst themselves.

"Yeah, that sounds great, but I'm not sure- -Hey!," Sam hushed his friends, "Hang on a second, guys, listen. I'd love to do that, too. But we've barely gotten back together. We don't wanna mess that up."

"Ok, I am inundated with offers of management at the moment. Three Directions, ME2, Circle Solar. That's only a few of the acts I can list," Scarlett said.

"Wow, that's a good list!," Owen nodded.

"And now, I wanna tour manage you guys."

Some of the Kids gasped.

Scarlett turned her attention the leader.

"I know you're the boss, Sam. I would never interfere with that. We would share our managerial roles because you've got a special bond with these little guys."

"Sure," Sam nodded.

Scarlett's phone started ringing.

"Oh," she scoffed and put the phone to her ear, "President Clinton?"

The Kids gasped as Scarlett got out of the booth to take her call. But she was not talking to the president.

* * *

"I'm on my way, Number Two," Max Mac was calling Scarlett from a pay phone in Russia.

* * *

"Great, they're taking the bait," Scarlett whispered as she glanced back at the Kids.

"Well, she seems really nice," Izzy smiled.

"Yeah," Rodney nodded, "Humble and honest."

"I just- -I-I think we have to get settled first, you know?," Sam said, "Hone the show, get some new material, and then maybe go on a world tour."

"See you in Berlin," Scarlett whispered.

* * *

"Yes. Auf Wiedersehen, Number Two."

Max hung up and began making his way to Berlin. But first, he pulled out his pen and pressed the button.

 **BOOM!**

The pay phone exploded.

* * *

Scarlett sat back down at the booth.

"So, what'll it be, Kids? Ready to be world famous? No pressure, but I am a very busy woman."

Her phone started ringing again.

"Oh! That's Rihanna," she picked up her phone, "I really should take this."

Sam frowned nervously as his friends started urging him to go on the tour.

He looked over at their newest member, Sierra Sanchez.

"Well, I mean, I guess we could always hone our acts on the road, and that would be ok," Sierra decided, "Right, Sam?"

Sam thought about it for a moment. He looked up after a moment and nodded, "Ok, let's do it! Scarlett, you're hired!"

Sam held out his hand and Scarlett gladly shook it and everyone at the booth started cheering.

"Thank you, Sam. I mean, boss," Scarlett smiled, "You won't regret this."


	3. World Tour: Berlin

**Union Station**

 **Los Angeles, USA**

 **08:14**

* * *

Scarlett and the Kids were at Union Station getting ready to board the train.

"Is everybody here?," Sam asked Cody.

Cody checked his clipboard, "Uh, yep! That's everyone."

"Ok, guys! Guys! Get them up and move them out," Sam looked up at Scarlett as she was boarding the train, "All aboard, Scarlett!"

Scarlett smiled and walked into the train car.

Gerry and Pete were getting ready to board.

"I didn't know there was still third class," Gerry said.

"Third class? How about _no class?_ "

They both chuckled.

Dakota carried her dog, Foo-Foo under her arm while the conductor carried many of her suitcases on a dolly.

"Ow!," she turned her head back to the conductor, "Watch the heels!"

"Dakota, why do you need so much luggage?," Sam asked as Foo-Foo growled at him.

"For our honeymoon, of course!," Dakota smiled at him before walking off.

"For our what?"

* * *

 **WHOO-WHOO!**

Brody blew the train whistle.

"Let's go, dudes!"

The train started going backwards down the track.

"Oh. I guess that's the reverse. Oh, well. This way's good, too."

* * *

So, they traveled by map across the ocean to Europe. Backwards.

"Ok, Scarlett. I thought we could start our world tour in London," Sam told their manager.

"Or what about the world capital of comedy? Berlin, Germany."

Everyone seemed to agree with Scarlett's decision.

"Germany!," Spud shouted.

* * *

 **Hauptbahnhof Station**

 **Berlin, Germany**

 **10:12**

* * *

After the train stopped, part of a passenger car wall suddenly broke off, leaving a large hole in the wall.

"Uh, was that supposed to happen?," Sierra asked.

* * *

After leaving the station, they took a bus to their first performance.

"Oh, you guys are gonna love this place," Sam smiled.

* * *

But when they got there, it was nothing like they had expected. And I mean nothing. It was a small and rusty German club.

"Here we are, guys. The Hole-in-the-Wall Club!," Sam smiled and showed them a sign next to the door that read The Total Drama Kids in German.

Rodney read the sign, "Die Total Drama?"

"Looks like they put the reviews up early," Gerry smiled.

"Yeah, or is that the suggestion box?," Pete asked.

They both chuckled.

* * *

They all walked inside and saw a small stage with a short banner that read _Die Total Drama_ _Anzeigen._

A janitor was currently mopping the stage when they came in. Even a few birds flew around.

"Hole-in-the-Wall Club? More like Hole-in-the-Ground Club," Dakota said taking a look around.

"Ok, everbody," Sam said walking in front of the group, "So, we'll start at the bottom and work our way up. I've booked us into cabaret bars and coffee houses all across the industrial cities of Northern Germany. Dusseldorf, Hamburg, Mudburg, Vomitdorf..."

"Poopenburgen?," Owen asked.

"Owen, we have a solid week booked in Poopenburgen."

Everyone groaned.

"This looks wonderful," Scarlett said walking up to Sam, "And I think we should commend Sam on his efforts."

She clapped for Sam.

Izzy clapped too, but soon stopped after noticing the looks she was getting.

"Thank you, Scarlett. Thanks," Sam smiled.

"Or, if I might be so bold..."

"Uh-huh?"

"...maybe we could consider another venue."

Sam raised an eyebrow, "Another venue?"

* * *

"To be precise, _this_ other venue."

Scarlett had brought the Kids to the Berlin National Theater.

Everyone started commenting on how great it looked.

"What? No, no," Sam frowned, "We don't have the money to rent the Berlin National Theater!"

"We'll make our money back when we sell it out."

"Sam, I've always dreamed of playing the Berlin National Theater," Dakota smiled, "Ich bin ein Berliner."

"More like _I'm a suck-up_ ," Rock joked.

"Watch it, buster," Dakota glared.

"Guys, I'm not sure we can do this, you know?," Sam frowned, uncertain.

"Ok then, let's take a vote," Scarlett raised her left arm, "All those in favor of believing in ourselves, raise your hand."

Everyone but Sam raised their hands.

"Wait wait, that's not what I'm saying," Sam tried to say.

"And all those in favor of just giving up."

Sam sighed and raised his hand, "Can't believe I'm voting for giving up."

"Good. Well, I'm glad we made this decision," Scarlett smiled.

Everyone cheered but Sam, who just looked down, confused.

Scarlett smirked and turned her head to the left. Right next door to the theater was a large museum.

 **National Treasure Museum**

 **Berlin, Germany**

 **11:14**

* * *

"Alright, gather 'round, troops. Everybody?"

Sam gathered everyone inside the theater.

"Ok, guys. Since we're playing such a big theater, let's stick with what we know. We'll open with a cabaret number..."

"Sam?," Izzy was wearing a bright red stunt suit, "When do I do the indoor running of the bulls?"

She gestured to several crates containing bulls.

Everyone jumped back a little.

"Mr. Small, sir?," Mary raised her hand, "I would very much like to demonstrate my magnetic bomb-attractor vest."

She gestured to Ellody, who was inside a metal suit.

"Mary, why would you even invent one of those?," Sam asked.

"Why did I invent the unexpectedly exploding cupcake?"

Ellody was about to eat a cupcake.

"Mmm, coconut."

 **BOOM!**

It blew up, covering the inside of the suit with frosting.

Everyone gasped.

"Hey, what about Kid Ladder?," Izzy suggested.

"Kid Ladder? That's never, ever worked, Izzy," Sam frowned, "Last time we all tried that was twenty years ago and you ended up in a cast for six weeks."

"Yeah, good times, huh?," Izzy smiled.

"Sam, what if I do four or five Celine Dion songs?," Dakota asked, "You know Celine Dion, she works in Vegas."

"No, Dakota, there's no time for that."

"What about the band's marathon jam session?," Rock asked.

"Drum solo! Drum solo!," Spud chanted.

"No drum solo!"

Sam frowned as everyone started suggesting things over each other.

"Guys, guys, GUYS!"

Everyone stopped.

"We can't just do whatever we want. This is our opening night. Let's play to our strengths, because..."

Sam sighed.

"Well...Look, I didn't want to worry you guys but, if we don't sell this theater out, it would mean the end of the tour."

Everyone gasped.

"And maybe the end of us."

Scarlett walked into the room, smiling.

"Great news, Kids. We're sold out!"

"What?," Sam's eyes widened.

Everyone else started cheering.

Sam shook his head.

"Fine."

Sam saw Scarlett and smiled.

"I mean, great, great. Well done, Scarlett."

"Hey, I have an amazing idea for an act. It's called 'The Indoor Running of the Bulls.' "

"Izzy, I told you, that act is way too dangerous."

"Actually, Sam, I was asking Scarlett what she thinks."

"Good grief."

Sam walked off.

Everyone started telling Scarlett their ideas.

Sierra watched as Sam walked away sadly from the others.

* * *

Sam sat at his desk.

"Sold out. Like we've sold out a show in thirty years."

"Ahem."

He looked up and saw Dakota standing at the doorway, holding a large binder with Foo-Foo at her side.

"Is this a good time to discuss our upcoming European wedding?"

"No, actually, I'm kind of busy right now."

"Perfect!"

She came in anyway.

"I have twenty-three swatches for the seat covers for the reception, eight font choices for the menu, which, by the way, we are _not_ serving chocolate bugs."

"Dakota, what are you talking about?," Sam asked, getting up from his seat.

"I'm just trying to involve you in some of the decision-making, dear."

"What about being involved in the decision to get married in the first place, huh?"

"Oh, Sam," Dakota dropped her binder on his desk, "You never let me do what I want!"

"Oh yeah? Well, what about what I want, huh? What about that? I haven't even proposed yet."

"You can do that on our honeymoon."

"What? That's insane! Do you hear what you're saying?"

"Insane? How dare you call your fiancee insane?"

"You are not my fiancee! We are not engaged! And, as a matter of fact, the way this particular conversation is going right now, well, I'm fine with that!"

Dakota gasped.

She ran out of the room with Foo-Foo trailing behind her.

"Dakota, wait! I'm sorry!"

Foo-Foo saw Scarlett standing by the doorway and started barking at her.

" _Get out!_ ," she whisper-shouted.

Foo-Foo ran off.


	4. A Walk Alone in the Fog

Sam sat on the edge of the stage, depressed about the earlier events and his argument with Dakota. He heard footsteps from behind him but just ignored them. Then he felt someone's hand on his back. He looked up and saw Scarlett sitting next to him.

"Don't take it personally. They still love you. They just prefer me now."

"Thank you, Scarlett, that's very comforting," Sam rolled his eyes.

"You know what I think helps sometimes in situations like this?"

"What?"

"A walk alone in the fog in former East Berlin. Maybe along a deserted canal."

She handed Sam a map with a large arrow pointing at a deserted canal.

"Well, I guess a quiet stroll isn't such a bad idea," Sam shrugged, "Let the others know I've gone, will you?"

"Of course. Take as long as you want," Scarlett insisted.

"Thanks."

Sam got up and walked towards the exit.

Scarlett smirked evilly as she watched Sam leave, knowing he would be gone _much_ longer than intended.

* * *

Sam walked down the foggy streets of Berlin. Along the way, he passed a chicken coop.

"Sie da."

He came across a street filled with people. Children playing games, women folding laundry and a few policemen.

Suddenly, a bunch of pigeons flew by him, knocking the map out of his hands. Everyone quickly ran inside their homes and shut their windows.

Sam looked around, wondering why everyone was so frightened.

He felt a cold breeze pick up just as he heard someone running. He looked around for them, but no one else seemed to be outside.

Suddenly, a cloaked figure appeared in front of him.

...

...

...

"Boo."

"AAHH!"

He slapped a small, round device onto Sam's chest, knocking him down in the process.

The figure ran away before he could get back up.

Sam got back up and groaned.

"What just happened?"

But Sam didn't look like Sam anymore. He had become shorter, his hair had turned purple, even his clothes had turned gray. The device that was currently stuck to his chest was a shape-shifting device!

A woman opened her window and spotted Sam. She looked at the wanted posters plastered on the walls.

 **WANTED!**

 **Max Mac**

 **1000, — Belohnung!**

"(German) It's him, he's here. The evil boy. The evil boy!"

"What?"

Sam was confused as several Germans came out of their houses and crowded around him.

"(German) That's him! That's Max Mac!"

A police car pulled up.

"Wait a second!"

Two policemen ran up to Sam and grabbed him by his arms.

"Hold on, hold on! There must be some mistake! Don't you know me? I'm Sam Small!"

"Silence, Max Mac. The game is up."

"Who?"

Sam noticed Max's wanted posters and his eyes widened.

"What are you talking about?! I look nothing like that guy!"

"Oh really?"

Sam looked down and saw his reflection in a puddle. He looked at himself and screamed in horror. He looked just like Max Mac.

"No, no! Wait a minute! I'm Sam Small!," Sam begged as they carried him off, "Guys, this is a mistake! I'm telling you!"

They threw Sam into the back of the police car.

"Hey! Hey! Hello! Somebody! Open up!"

The car drove away.

"I'm a Swampian-American!"

* * *

The cloaked figure watched it all from the sidelines. He took out another shape-shifting device and placed it on his chest. He took off his hood, revealing a very familiar face.

Max Mac had become Sam Small.

"It's not easy being _mean._ "

He chuckled darkly.


	5. I'm Number One

It was almost showtime back at the theater, and everyone was getting ready backstage.

"Has anyone seen Sam?," Cody asked.

Rock was holding onto Spud's chain to get him to calm down, but he just kept running away, pulling Rock along with him.

"Whoa!"

"It's fifteen minutes to curtain."

At that moment, Scarlett arrived with the disguised Max.

"Hey, guys. Look, it's Sam, just back from his afternoon stroll."

"(As Sam) Hi-lo! I am Sam."

The others were confused by the change in his voice.

"He's got a cold," Scarlett explained, "That's why his voice sounds a little bit different at the moment."

"Ohhhhh," everyone nodded.

Max then fake-coughed a few times.

"See? Just calm down. Just relax."

"(As Sam) You are right. Scarlett is terrific!"

"Aw," Scarlett smiled.

"(As Sam) From now on, let's do whatever she says. Hmm?"

Everyone smiled and nodded in agreement.

"Wow, that walk must've really helped," Owen smiled.

"(As Sam) Dakota, I have wronged you. I humbly beg your forgiveness."

Dakota frowned.

"You're not getting off that easy, bucko. Come on, Foo-Foo."

She and Foo-Foo went back to her dressing room.

Spud sniffed Max and his eyes widened.

"Bad boy! Bad boy!"

He bit down on Max's arm.

"What is this?!," Max asked, "Let go, dog!"

"Spud, stop it!," Rock pulled Spud off of Max, "Sam's agreed that Scarlett's right all the time, man."

"Good," Scarlett said, getting their attention, "So, now that Sam agrees with me on everything..."

"(As Sam) I am Sam."

"Definitely. Let's go and hang out backstage, yeah?"

Everyone followed Scarlett backstage. Except for Sierra, who stayed behind.

Max walked up to her.

"(As Sam) Come, little girl."

Sierra turned around to face him. He rested his hand on her shoulder.

"(As Sam) Let us go on with the show and enjoy our family-style adventure during which we shall bond and learn heartwarming lesson. Perhaps about sharing, or waiting your turn, or the number three. Hmm?"

Max walked off, leaving a very confused Sierra.

"Um, right, Sam. Uh, sure."

* * *

Max walked into Sam's office, where Scarlett was waiting for him.

"Flawlessly executed, sir. Bravo."

"What did you expect from world's most dangerous kid and number one criminal, Number Two?"

Scarlett rolled her eyes.

"Yeah, I know. You're number one, I'm number two. I think you mentioned that before."

Max tapped his fingers together, mischievously.

"Now that we control the Total Drama tour, Number Two, phase one of our plan is complete. We are now positioned to carry out greatest burgerlel- -burgle- -blurgh-el- -burgle- -"

"Burglary."

"Yes. Of all time, and pin it on those gullible children, who will spend the rest of their miserable lives behind bars."

Scarlett smiled evilly.

"Tonight, we steal the painting and then, we'll have all we need to steal the unstealable: The Crown Jewels of England."

He walked over to a piano and sat down on the stool.

"Ensuring that my name goes down in history as greatest thief of all time!"

"You mean _our names_ , right?," Scarlett asked.

"Of course. My name first, then spacebar spacebar spacebar, your name."

"Sure."

Max started to play the piano.

 _Max: I'm number one_

 _You're number two_

 _We're criminals at large_

 _But I'm at larger than you_

 _I'm number one_

 _You're number two_

 _I believe in equality_

 _As long as you get less than me_

He closed the piano and got off of the stool.

 _I'm one_

"You're one."

 _You're number two_

"I'm number two."

 _You may think that you're smarter_

 _But I'm_ _smarterer than you_

Max tapped Scarlett's shoulder. She turned her head around, but Max had run to the other side of her. She turned around and glared at him.

 _I'm number one_

 _You're number two_

He walked over to a door.

 _You're lucky to be number two, not number three_

He opened the door and it hit Scarlett in the face.

"OW!"

She opened the door again and followed Max.

* * *

 _I can see by the look in your eye, you want to get a bigger piece of the pie_

 _One day, you'll get your chance_

 _But in the meantime, you've got to dance, monkey, dance!_

Scarlett raised an eyebrow.

"Really? I hate dancing."

"Do it!"

 _Dance, monkey, dance!_

Scarlett started dancing and was surprisingly very good.

"Haha!"

Scarlett walked down the staircase and sat down on the bottom step.

 _Scarlett: I'm number two_

 _He's number one_

 _I can't believe I'm working for a_ _diminutive_

 _I'm number two_

 _He's number one_

"I'm number one!"

 _You know life's gone to the dogs when your boss does ballet_

Max started dancing on the railing.

Scarlett stood up.

 _I can see it's just a matter of time before he's gone and I'm at the front of the line_

 _It won't be long 'till I get my chance_

 _But in the meantime, I've got to dance, monkey, dance_

She started dancing again.

 _Max: Dance, monkey, dance_

Scarlett did some tap dancing.

"Now watch me!"

Max started dancing on the railing again. He ended it with a leap, but he landed with the railing between his legs.

He groaned and stood back up just as Scarlett was walking back up the stairs.

 _Max: I'm number one_

 _Scarlett: He's number one!_

 _Max: You're number two_

 _Scarlett: I'm number two!_

 _Max: That's it, kid_

 _There you go_

 _Now step aside_

 _This ain't your show!_

* * *

 _I'm one_

 _Scarlett: (Mockingly) I'm one!_

 _Max: I'm number one!_

 _Scarlett: Yes, we know!_

 _Max: I'm..._

 _Scarlett: He's..._

 _Both: Number one!_

Max pushed Scarlett down, but she crawled under the desk and stood back up in front of him.

Max jumped onto her head and danced in place.

"That's how it's done."

He jumped off and landed gracefully on his feet.

Cody opened the door.

"Fifteen seconds to curtain, Sam."

Max waved his hand.

"Sure, little geeky boy, I'll be right out."

Cody raised an eyebrow.

"Uh...ok."

He closed the door.

"Have you studied your Sam tapes, yet?," Scarlett asked, holding up a Total Drama Show tape.

"Of course not. This is child's play for kid of my talent."

He walked out the door.

Scarlett sighed.


End file.
